What does it mean to 'find your footing' when life doesn't go to plan?
This month's blog looks at how we respond to change and the practical steps we can take to move forward again with confidence.
How do we cope when change is unexpected?
As we settle into the autumn,
This summer has been an unusually long and hot one, but at some point we need rainfall and a change in temperature. Even the most devoted sun worshippers have to accept that shorter days, more rainy days and cooler weather are a natural part of life.
And because we know it is coming, we can usually live with it.
We might not particularly like the rain. We might wish summer would last a little longer. But we understand that the seasons change. It is a cycle we recognise, something we have experienced many times before.
We know that autumn will arrive.
But how do we cope when change isn't expected?
What happens when we are moving through life with things mapped out, both personally and professionally, and then something comes out of the blue and rocks our world?
There is a reorganisation at work. We lose our job. The business we have built isn't going as planned. A health diagnosis changes what we thought the future would look like. A relationship ends. Someone we love dies.
Suddenly, the landscape looks different.
And it isn't just the practical circumstances that have changed. Significant life transitions can affect our sense of who we are, what we can rely on, where we belong and how we make sense of the world around us.
When the old map no longer works
One of the hardest things about unexpected change is that the map we were using to navigate our lives may no longer fit the landscape.
We may have known where we were heading. We had plans, routines, expectations and a sense of what came next.
Then something changes.
And suddenly we find ourselves asking:
What happens now?
Who am I in this new situation?
What can I rely on?
What do I actually want now?
How am I going to manage this?
It can be unsettling, frightening and exhausting.
And yet, these experiences are more common than we sometimes realise.
Many people are navigating significant life changes at any given time. But because everyone else's life can appear to carry on as normal, it can sometimes feel as though we are the only ones struggling to keep our balance.
Different circumstances, similar experiences
The circumstances may be completely different, but I often see something similar underneath them:
A person who has been made redundant may be questioning their confidence and identity.
Someone dealing with a health diagnosis may be trying to work out what their future now looks like.
Someone recovering from burnout may be struggling to understand what they need and how to live differently.
Someone starting a business may be excited about what lies ahead while simultaneously feeling uncertain, overwhelmed and out of their depth.
Someone going through bereavement may be trying to understand who they are without someone who has been part of their life for years.
The events are different.
But the experience of being knocked off balance can be remarkably similar.
People are trying to regain their sense of stability. They are trying to understand what has happened, reconnect with who they are, work out what matters now and find a way forward.
In other words, they are trying to find their footing.
Finding your footing doesn't mean going back to how things were
When we feel unsettled by change, it is natural to want to get back to normal.
But sometimes there is no going back.
The old circumstances may have gone. A role may have changed. A relationship may have ended. Our health, priorities or ambitions may be different.
Finding your footing isn't necessarily about recreating the life you had before.
It is about developing the understanding, self-awareness, confidence and practical resources you need to navigate the life you have now.
That might mean understanding what the change has really affected.
It might mean reconnecting with the parts of yourself that remain constant, even when your circumstances have changed.
It might mean rebuilding confidence, establishing new boundaries or finding different sources of support.
And eventually, it may mean asking a different question.
Not:
"How do I get back to where I was?"
But:
"Given where I am now, what could I build from here?"
You don't have to figure it all out at once
When life changes unexpectedly, it is tempting to try to solve everything immediately.
But finding your footing doesn't require you to have the whole route mapped out.
Sometimes the first step is simply understanding what has changed:
What have you lost?
What has stayed the same?
What is within your control?
What do you need right now?
Who can support you?
And what is one small step that would help you feel a little more steady?
Those questions can create space between what has happened and what comes next.
They can help us move from feeling completely overwhelmed by the new landscape to gradually understanding where we are standing.
From finding your footing to finding a way forward
We can't always choose the changes that happen to us.
Just as we can't stop autumn arriving, we can't always prevent life from changing direction.
But we can develop the resources to navigate change differently.
We can understand ourselves better. We can recognise our strengths. We can reconnect with our values. We can learn what supports our resilience. We can make choices about where to put our energy. And, when we are ready, we can begin to imagine what a meaningful next chapter might look like.
The aim isn't to pretend that change is easy.
It isn't about forcing ourselves to be positive or "bouncing back" before we're ready.
It is about finding enough stability to take the next step.
And then the next one.
Because sometimes, when life changes unexpectedly, we don't need to know exactly where we're going.
We just need to find our footing first.
How I can help
If you’re navigating a significant life transition, whether that's adapting to a diagnosis, changing careers, starting a business, approaching retirement or facing another unexpected life change, it can help to have someone walk alongside you.
Finding Your Footing is my coaching programme for people navigating life’s transitions.
Together, we’ll explore what’s changed, reconnect with the strengths and values that define you, and help you move forward with greater confidence and clarity.
If you’d like to find out more, I’d love to hear from you.
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